Or just plain busy. Sleep-deprived, which contributes to anger and frustration.
But, there was no school today so I spent all of today doing nothing academic. Except studying physics a little bit (because I’m beyond lost in that class…). Though, I know I should have practiced and studied for tomorrow’s mini-meet and audition.
I sort of snapped yesterday. I was easily irritable, and apparently someone else was having a bad day. I tried to cheer her up, but she wouldn’t have it and I reacted badly. But it’s alright.
The Academic Decathlon mini-meet was nerve-racking. I had my speech memorized. Sort of. But I felt ready enough to struggle through the entire thing. Definitely not what happened.
Instead, the first couple paragraphs were basically a breeze - a few minor hiccups, but no big deal. Then things started to get fuzzy. I knew I skipped a couple sentences, but I pushed on. But when one of the judges held up the 1-minute card, I stopped mid-sentence and froze.
So, for the entire last minute, I was silent. I opened my mouth to speak, promptly closing it when I realized I didn’t know what to say. He held up the 1/2-minute card. I deflated; my shoulders dropped and I let my arms hang to the side. Then I started to count down from 30.
They looked unsympathetic, a bit miffed, and I was eager to leave. I tried to shake their hands again, but the older judge said, “No, no, no, we’re not done yet.” Fuck. There’s more?
Oh, the impromptu. Fuckshit.
The first impromptu option had the word “congress” in it. No, not that. The next one? I could handle, with difficulty.
And for the longest 90 seconds in my life, I bullshat with a shaky voice and apologetic eyes.
Before I left the room: “I apologize.”
Luckily, the interview was much easier. Laugh at their dumb jokes, smile, act convincingly phony and lie out my ass. They ate that up. Excellent. “Oh, yes, my hobbies are knitting, reading and playing music.”
Okay, so that wasn’t too much of a stretch.
I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I didn’t sleep at all Monday or Tuesday night. I should be sleeping now. I have to rise early for the second half of the AcDec mini-meet tomorrow morning at 8am. And go to All-Region auditions. Not going to make it to Ivy rehearsal; the last one before the concert next Saturday.
Next Saturday, right after my ACT test. Of course, first I need to worry about passing the physics momentum test Monday, completing the theory worksheets for honors orchestra Monday, completing the bio labs by Friday, reading The Aeneid through book 7 by Monday (maybe), editing and finalizing the CalTech essay by Monday for class, the calculus test on Thursday, the full orchestra rehearsal on Tuesday as we gear up for TMEA Honor Orchestra (with Wagner, Rimsky-Korsakov, and the Irish Suite), and completing unit 3 of economics by Thursday. And whatever bullshit the AP English teachers feel like making us do.
I felt like I deserved a break today, but that was a really bad idea.
On a lighter note, I have managed to get to school early every day this week. I like leaving early in the morning, before the street lights go out. Not sleeping contributed to my ability to get ready for school by 7am.
When I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t put a filter on my mouth, and I say very racist things. When I mentioned this on Friday, Wes thought I was literally trying to put a coffee filter on my face.
My room looks like Hell.
Breakfast. No. More like jumping cliffs. I really admire Walt Whitman and his homosexuality. Have you ever read poem 56 from Leaves of Grass? “We Two Boys Together Clinging.” That shit’s so cute.
None.
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